Love is patient, but please don't make me wait all night for you.
Love is kind, but please don't take advantage of my love for you.
Love does not envy, it does not boast. So please don't make me jealous and understand that our love means the world to me.

It is not proud, I'm proud of the person I love It is not rude, But Break my heart and I will be
It is not self-seeking, but i would still like the same amount of effort in return.
It is not easily angered, so don't intentionally push my buttons to get a kick out of me.
It keeps no record of wrongs, I just worry because I care

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth. Tell me honestly what is it you truly want?

Love always protects, always trusts, I promised to be there but where were you?
Love always hopes, always perseveres, So lets try and sit down and settle our fights instead of sweeping it under the rug.

Love bears all things, believes all things, so support me in my dreams just as I have supported you
Love hopes for all things and endures all things, But so don't treat me as if i was your doormat

Love never ends, but i won't be waiting here forever.
Love never fails, It just continues to grow.

And with love, I've learned these three simple things.
1. Love is never 1 way.
2. I did not learn to Love from god, but experienced love from the people around me.
3. And after loving people like that, I've learned to love myself first. Because understanding and loving me becomes the first step in order to share love with someone else

Almost there I can feel it, that feeling when you're about to cross the finish line. Which is indeed the same feeling when you're threading your last movie in projections, when you finish your last math problem in calc, or when you get that paycheck after working 2 hard weeks and realize all that bitching you did? All that work you accomplished? So worth it haha

So just one more week till I see you. That brief moment of bliss when I do. I really would not know what to say or do, but I'm sure it will come naturally when the time comes. But the road there is not going be smooth for sure, I have a Nutrition exam this coming Monday as well as a Biology2 exam on Wednesday both really challenging yet interesting classes to me. In the end though school does come first and I can not blow these off and day dream about you too much. Haha i did not say I would not, just not too much. It has been a real hard five weeks so far, but it has made me such a stronger person, I really did not think i could go more then two weeks without seeing you. Anyways, I love you hun. I hope you get better, you don't have to rush it you know? Just take care of yourself  Jenn

In reality though, I had to pick up hours as well to make up for the weekend I'm taking off, which is probably about 24 hours of work i believe. I'm not too worried about the workload but more perhaps how will it affect my studying. I work five to close on saturday and sunday which gives me an afternoon on saturday as well as and entire morning and afternoon on sunday to whip myself in shape as well as tweak my brain for the upcoming tests. Gotta get into test mode or else it feel as though I'm being overwhelmed. I've been keeping up with my studies though so I'm not entirely too worried, it is not how it used to be where I never looked over my notes until a week before tests. I probably always get like this over the first wave of tests. Not too sure what to expect from the class as well as how hard are the tests. Just gotta wait it out and see I suppose. Been really worried about theater as well as Sociology though, I don't really have notes to back what I have to do. Nor did I have a chance to get started on my theater book on a certain play. I have to do a critique within the next month on a play I am suppose to schedule myself to go see. It all seems really new to me but that's what college is all about. Stepping into the world blind and standing on your own.

Work hasn't been so bad, after about 2 months or so of working my tail off they may be offering me a promotion pretty soon. I'm very excited about this, his exact words were " I like the work you do around here " haha and I am at work quite a few hours during the week so I'll be around enough to be a leader when time comes. Maybe I could whip the newbies into shape so they would not be so lazy and leave unopened boxes of candy everywhere. Teach them how to really clean a movie theater. Hell I think I just want to boss them around since they are so lazy.

Good Day
-peter

Jeez i need to get out of this idle phase in my life. i feel as though i'm not living at all, not doin anything worth my time i.e work. -.- same old shiet everyday, same old shiet every week, and same old garbage that i have to clean after people. Only thing that gets me through the day is the thought of you, weird enou to say. i didn't think i'd depend on anyone like that again, my mask is starting to crack again. shiet, works beating me down. i get mad at dirty ass customers everyday, crappy management 3-5 times a shift as well. it shouldn't be like that, life shouldn't be this hard. the economy and unemployment only makes people more on edge and ready to bitch and moan about things. refunds here and discounts there, same shiet people always try to ask for. i'm working just like you are, why do you have to make my life harder than it is already. why don't you try and clean after yourselves like you were thought correctly by your momma or is your momma leaving shit on the ground too? fuck yall

another thing bothering me for the week as all the bitching i get from my mom... we finally just exploded at each other the day. i come home late from work tired as hell, i'd like time to relax and go out a lil with friends. how is it that he can go out whenever and however he wants? do whatever he wants? same old shiet we've been arguing about for the past few years. i'm supposed to be the role model, i'm supposed to be the good child that stays home and watches the kids. i understand that but its not like i'm doing drugs, fucking around, or sleeping at everyone's houses. its not even like that, my schooling might not be top-notched but i do what i can, and i even try to hold down this shit ass job that i don't even like but need. i hope you can understand someday and am proud of me that i've already had my fuck-up year and now life's about business and trying to get my future in order.

and you, bastard ass excuse for a father. i really hope someday karma hits hard. for you our lives is like this, you're too stupid to even understand how much my mom has to work and swallow her pride just to make sure we have enough food to eat, a house to live in, and clothes on our backs. all you ever did was take from us and now you want to talk about how you're just trying to live. bitch you're living fine, we're the ones struggling with all these bills. you could shit and wipe your ass with our paychecks. that's life i guess.. we can't pick em but we sure do have to find a reason to keep on living.

hun, you really are something special. just the way you are is keeping me feeling safe is something i love about you. switched gender roles indeed XP haha, i know you prob won't ever understand why it was that i chose you too but it's just the way you make me feel. things aren't as dead and lifeless when i'm with you. i treasure you, and even more so, the fact that you put your ideals above all, that you put your mom above everyone even yourself. someone who actually still care about the things the way they are supposed to be. realistically it really doesn't matter to you. but idealistically it does. you don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks. you're stubborn and its just the way its gonna be. i don't want you to ever change. the innocence as well as the worry in your eyes says everything yet i'm still constantly searching deeper and deeper so that someday i can find your heart haha. fruity yes, but i would like to someday be that close to you. even if i'm still struggling with mine own. there are days where i feel so uneasy about being so close to you... blame it on bitches, blame it on me, blame it on modesty. but i am slowly regaining what was me, but i don't want to lose what was me so fast again. i know you don't want to give yourself away either. yet i want to depend on you and you depend on me. i want to be the white to your black, be that other half. even if it sounds weird, i want to understand you like only you could. but that's just a lil bit of what i can write down. i can't honestly keep up with what i'm thinking about anymore either. i just drown it out as best as i could. i just want to be happy haha, don't we all deserve it? i know you do, i'd sacrifice anything to see you truly smile.. you've been through so much and still going. i'll do what i can to just take that chip off your shoulder. trust me, i'll do what i can.

new years was pretty fun thou, best i've had in a while. usually i'm just sitting at home watchin the ball alone or just asleep. this year i got to spend it shooting fireworks with friends, having fun with you and well just felt really warm inside. christmas was a dream as well, i know you didn't want me to do so much seeing how it wasn't neccessary and you just wanted me under a missletoe perhaps but hey even if it's not something i could truly give yo uto make you happy i wanted to do something meaningful for you especially the way you've been constantly giving me little trinkets. trust me i have everything posted on my wall it adds up haha

i still gotta fix this mask, i don't want to be so honest in front of people that do not matter. i don't want to be that easy and transparent to read either

later, good night guys